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Anger is one of our basic emotions. It is completely normal for us all to experience this emotion in daily life. When expressed in healthy ways, anger can help motivate us to solve problems, cope with stress, or communicate with others.
Everyone feels angry sometimes, and anger can be useful. It may be time to reach out when it comes on fast, lasts a long time or starts to hurt your relationships, work or health.
Snapping at people over small things
Anger that flares up fast and is hard to stop
Yelling, slamming doors or throwing things
Saying things you regret later
The same arguments coming back at home or work
A tight chest, racing heart or clenched jaw
Replaying what someone did long after it ended
People around you seeming tense or careful
How counselling helps
What working on it together looks likeHow counselling helps
Early on
Understand your anger
You and your counsellor look at what sets your anger off and what may sit underneath it, like stress, hurt, fear or old patterns from the past.
As you go
Cool the heat
You practise ways to notice anger early in your body and slow it down, such as breathing, taking a pause or stepping away before you react.
Over time
Respond in new ways
You build skills to say what you need clearly and calmly, set limits and repair things after a conflict, so you can handle hard moments in ways that fit your values.
Where
In person in Vancouver, Burnaby and Surrey, or onlineWhere
Anger is one of our basic emotions. It is completely normal for us all to experience this emotion in daily life. When expressed in healthy ways, anger can help motivate us to solve problems, cope with stress, or communicate with others. However, when anger leads to aggressive outbursts or rage, it could be destructive to relationships, employment status, and our own health and well being. Learning to effectively manage anger is important and has the potential of benefiting us and those with whom we interact.
What is Anger?
Anger is an emotion. It is neither a “good” or “bad” construct in itself. We all experience anger at one time or another, and that is a good thing! Anger has helped us humans to survive through tough times and protect us from dangerous situations. When we feel or sense a threat of some sort, anger is a natural pattern of responding, Anger can be a large part of the “fight” portion of the fight or flight reaction. If this type of reaction gets out of hand or becomes habitual even when there are no potential threats around, there are risks of becoming isolated (if others avoid interactions due to angry outbursts), without work, or even physically unhealthy (anger can take a toll on the body).
We may have learned to use anger as a kind of defence mechanism in situations of sadness or fear. It could be associated with past, unresolved situations involving mistreatment or distress of which we are not consciously aware.
It is also possible for anger to result from or be a part of a mental health condition. Experiencing pain, depression, anxiety, loneliness, substance misuse/abuse, or grief could lead to feeling so irritated and frustrated that angry outbursts or reactions result. Anger might be used as a distraction from painful or otherwise unpleasant emotions.
Is Anger Always Problematic?
Anger is an emotion and so has no “rating” on emotional scales. In daily language, anger is commonly referred to as a negative and harmful habit that should be avoided. In actuality, what may be negative and harmful are the behaviours that result from feeling angry emotions. There is a split second between when the emotion of anger is, for whatever reason, activated and the behaviour that follows; in that split second, we have the choice of how we will respond. We can all learn to become more and more aware of how our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations signal us to such moments. Learning about what triggers anger and what it feels like in the body is one part of learning to manage anger more effectively. Rather than writing anger off as something that is always “bad”, taking the time and putting in the effort to learn about the sensations in place when anger is present and learning different skills and strategies for coping with these feelings has the potential to lead to desired changes.
Therapy for Anger Management
Anger is an emotion; a natural emotion that has and still does help us out in many situations. One may seek counselling to learn to effectively and safely cope with anger if:
this emotion leads to repeated outbursts of rage, aggressive or violent acts
behaviours that are harmful to the self or to others
abuse of various substances that initially mask anger but tend to worsen feelings in the long term
There are different techniques and strategies used to manage unpleasant feelings and sensations commonly associated with anger characterized therapy for anger management. This might include learning ways to relieve body tension and relate to emotions in different, but effective ways. Bringing awareness to problematic thinking patterns can lead to learned methods of adjusting these patterns. Furthermore, this awareness can bring effective management of anger in interpersonal/professional relationships.
Anger management therapy varies from individual to individual, and that is completely okay! Although everyone can feel anger, it presents itself uniquely behaviourally and in actions, producing a variety of consequences in each individual. Navigating anger management safely and effectively is something our therapists can assist you with.
References
Greenberger, D. & Padesky, C.A. (2016). Mind over mood: Change how you feel by changing the way you think. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.
Helps with: Anger Management, Youth/Adolescence Counselling (12 to 17 years), Assertiveness/Boundaries, Men's Concerns, Goal Setting, Body Image, Christian Counselling, Grief, Loss and Bereavement, Identity, Addictions / Substance Use, Perfectionism, Guilt/Shame, Personal Development/Growth, Work and Life Balance, Burnout, Stress Management, Anxiety, Self Esteem, Fears, Work StressAnger ManagementYouth/Adolescence Counselling (12 to 17 years)Assertiveness/BoundariesMen's ConcernsGoal SettingBody ImageChristian CounsellingGrief, Loss and BereavementIdentityAddictions / Substance UsePerfectionismGuilt/ShamePersonal Development/GrowthWork and Life BalanceBurnoutStress ManagementAnxietySelf EsteemFearsWork Stress+18 more
You do not need to wait until things feel out of control. If your anger often leads to regret, hurts your relationships or leaves you drained, talking with a counsellor can help. Some people reach out on their own, and some come because someone close to them asked. Either way, you decide what to share and when.
No, it is for anyone who wants a better handle on anger. Many people who reach out never shout or hit. They may hold anger in, feel it as stress in the body, or go quiet and distant. Our counsellors can help with anger that comes out loudly and anger that stays inside.
The first session is mostly about getting to know you. Your counsellor asks what brings you in, what your anger looks like day to day and what you would like to change. You can share as much or as little as you like, and you will not be judged for what you have said or done when angry.
Yes, you can meet online from anywhere in BC, or in person at our offices in Vancouver, Burnaby and Surrey. Online sessions can suit you if you prefer to talk from a private space at home. We also offer a free 15-minute consultation by phone or video, so you can ask questions before you decide.
If you or someone else may be unsafe, get help now. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8, call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), or call 911 if you are in danger. When things are calmer, counselling can be a private place to talk about what happened and what you want to change.
