While loss is an inevitable part of life, the process of letting go and healing can be complicated and painful. Grief is a natural and important reaction to loss. Loss of any kind- be it a person, loss of health from a terminal illness, or simply put, the loss of ‘what used to be’.
Signs
Grief is a natural response to loss, and it often comes in waves. It may be time to reach out when the pain stays heavy or makes it hard to get through your days.
How counselling helps
Early on
Your counsellor listens as you talk about your loss and what you miss. Together you notice how grief shows up for you, knowing there is no right way to feel.
As you go
You find gentle ways to cope with hard days, like anniversaries or quiet evenings. You practise caring for your sleep, your body and your feelings.
Over time
Over time you find ways to keep your bond with what you lost while making room for life again. You set the pace and decide what moving forward means.
Where
About
While loss is an inevitable part of life, the process of letting go and healing can be complicated and painful. Grief is a natural and important reaction to loss. Loss of any kind- be it a person, loss of health from a terminal illness, or simply put, the loss of ‘what used to be’. It is both a universal and a personal experience. It is not static or linear and comes in waves of heaviness or a sense of depression.
Any type of loss can challenge our sense of control and security in life, leading to feelings of helplessness, loneliness, and despair. It can also come with sadness for the loss of aspects of our own self. Because these feelings are so painful, it can be tempting to avoid, suppress, or deny their existence altogether. However, in order to move through the loss and adapt to a life that will be different moving forward, the hurt needs to be felt and learned about so it can be moved through.
Unacknowledged and processed grief can sometimes lodge as trauma in the body. This can happen when feelings of hopelessness or powerlessness accompany the sadness, essentially causing a loss of agency in life. This is why it is essential to constructively give space to emotions, thoughts and regrets.
In the case of death, factors such as the nature of death can complicate moving through the loss. When someone’s passing is sudden or violent, there may be other layers of emotions such as shock or rage that need to be processed in order to grieve.Suppose the relationship with the deceased was complicated or abusive. In that case, bereavement can be complicated by mixed feelings towards the person that has passed. In some cases, forgiveness may need to occur before letting go is possible.
Counselling provides a space where safety and trust are established so you can face the many conflicting feelings that loss brings about while not being alone in that experience. The destabilization that comes with loss often compromises the ability to cope, so new ways of dealing with emotions and memories can be integrated to increase one’s sense of strength and resiliency.
Working through grief takes patience and understanding, creating boundaries, resisting the instinct to isolate and being gentle with oneself. Counsellors can support you from a place of compassion and facilitate the healing needed for you to live a meaningful life after loss.
Humphrey, G. D. & Zimpfer, D. G. (2008). Counselling for grief and bereavement [2nd ed.]. London: SAGE Publications.
Mate, G. (2020, August 11). Understanding grief as an antidote to trauma. Psychotherapy Networker. Retrieved from Grief & Trauma
Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. (2016, October 16). What is grief? Mayo Clinic. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/patient-visitor-guide/support-groups/what-is-grief
Counselling Therapist
Counselling Therapist
Counselling Therapist
Counselling Therapist
Counselling Therapist
Counselling Therapist
FAQs
Can't find your answer? Ask us a question.
You may want grief counselling when the pain keeps getting in the way of sleep, work or relationships, or when you feel alone with it. You do not need to wait until things feel unbearable, and some people come years after a loss. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8, call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), or call 911 if you are in danger.
Yes, grief can follow many kinds of loss. You may grieve a serious illness, a divorce, a lost job, a move or the life you expected to have. These losses are real, and you are welcome to talk about them with a counsellor.
There is no set timeline for grief, and it does not follow neat stages. Many people find the pain softens over time, though it can return on birthdays, holidays or anniversaries. Our counsellors will not rush you or tell you how you should feel.
Your first session is a chance to talk about your loss and what you hope to get from counselling. You can share as much or as little as you like, and you can talk about the person or the loss in your own way. Your counsellor will ask what feels most helpful to you right now.
Yes, you can meet with a counsellor online from anywhere in BC, or in person in Burnaby, Coquitlam or Vancouver. Online sessions can help if leaving home feels hard right now. We also offer a free 15-minute consultation by phone or video, so you can ask questions first.
From the blog
