Self-compassion refers to offering kindness, support, and acceptance to ourselves, especially during distressing or difficult times. Instead of reacting with self-criticism, we respond with warmth and care. Many people find it easier to show compassion to others than to themselves.
Signs
Most of us are hard on ourselves now and then. It may be time to reach out when a harsh inner voice keeps showing up and makes work, rest or relationships feel heavier.
How counselling helps
Early on
You and your counsellor notice when the harsh voice shows up, what it says and where it may have come from. Many inner critics began as a way to stay safe or fit in.
As you go
Your counsellor helps you practise mindfulness and kinder self-talk, like speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a good friend on a hard day.
Over time
Together you set goals that matter to you and learn to grow from setbacks without tearing yourself down. Kindness becomes a steady place to come back to.
Approaches
Where
About
Self-compassion refers to offering kindness, support, and acceptance to ourselves, especially during distressing or difficult times. Instead of reacting with self-criticism, we respond with warmth and care. Many people find it easier to show compassion to others than to themselves. They may see self-compassion as self-indulgent or self-pitying. However, this is not true. Self-compassion therapy and mindfulness-based counselling have been shown to reduce anxiety, stress, and emotional distress.
Self-compassion also helps increase empathy toward others. It can improve relationships and emotional well-being. Although it may feel unfamiliar at first, developing self-compassion is highly beneficial
According to researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion has three parts: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. This means being gentle with ourselves during failure, understanding that suffering is part of being human, and staying aware of the present moment without judgment. Mindfulness therapy and CBT-based approaches often use these principles.
Self-compassion means accepting ourselves as we are, whether we succeed or fail. This is different from self-esteem. Self-esteem depends on achievement, while self-compassion is unconditional. When we fail, self-esteem often drops, but self-compassion remains stable. Research shows that self-compassion counselling and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) help build stronger emotional resilience.
Many people believe caring for themselves is selfish. However, research shows the opposite. Self-compassion helps us become more emotionally balanced and more caring toward others. It strengthens empathy and emotional intelligence.
Following difficult times – whether this includes failures, tragedies, traumas, or other forms of devastation -it is common for self judgment and criticism to lead to feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, or any other distressing and uncomfortable emotion. Being able to treat ourselves with compassion can benefit mental health and well being. By not denying or hiding from the situation, reality is acknowledged, the fact that all humans fail or have tough times is upheld, and offering ourselves the kindness and support we all crave (and desperately need) can and does lead to some alleviation of the pain in a realistic and respectful way. Since we are receiving the kindness we crave from our own compassionate comforting, we are likely to be less dependent on receiving the love and support from others; as such, we could direct even more of our attention and affection toward friends and loved ones. Both romantic and parental relationships could benefit when members are self compassionate.
Learning to become aware of and acknowledge our own need for kindness, genuine caring, and support is often a first step toward developing self compassion. Being able to “step back” from any situation (especially those containing intense or painful emotions) and see them for what and how they really are without judgment is often considered liberating and can widen perspectives. The ability to perceive the extent to which we all need or would benefit from being caring and supportive to ourselves often arises over time. It is also important to keep in mind that everyone suffers:: regardless of culture, gender, sexual orientation, age, or socioeconomic status, everyone experiences difficult times. To different extents and in different contexts, certainly, but the experience of pain is something we all have in common. We are not alone in feeling this way!
Through learning and practicing various methods to increase feelings of self compassion, benefits and improvements will abound in various aspects of life, importantly, mental health and functioning. Allowing ourselves to receive genuine warmth, care, and support from our very selves could be an effective treatment for the unpleasant feelings currently experienced. Regardless of the duration or the specific foci and context, therapy, including self compassion could provide the hope so commonly looked for.
If you are struggling with stress, self-criticism, or emotional difficulties, No Fear Counselling in Canada is here to support you. Our compassionate therapists offer self-compassion counselling, CBT therapy, mindfulness-based therapy, and trauma-informed care to help you build emotional balance and well-being.
No Fear Counselling provides counselling services across Vancouver, Burnaby, Surrey, and Richmond, offering both in-person and online therapy options to suit your needs. Our goal is to help you develop self-kindness, emotional resilience, and a healthier relationship with yourself. Contact us today or book a session to begin your healing journey.
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed To Be. Center City, MN: Hazleden Publishing.
Chodron, P. (2004). Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living. Colorado, USA: Shambhala Publishing.
Neff, K. (2011). Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers.
Neff, K (2018). Self Compassion.
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FAQs
Can't find your answer? Ask us a question.
You do not need to reach a certain point before you talk to a counsellor. Many people reach out when self-criticism keeps them from resting, trying new things or enjoying what they have done. If the harsh voice in your head feels louder than you would like, that is reason enough to explore it.
Being kind to yourself is not the same as giving up on your goals. Self-compassion means meeting a mistake with care, so you can learn from it and try again. Your counsellor can help you keep the standards that matter to you while letting go of the harsh voice that wears you down.
Our counsellors draw on a few approaches, and you choose what feels right for you. Mindfulness helps you notice painful thoughts without being swept away by them. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), a therapy that looks at how thoughts shape feelings and actions, helps you question harsh self-talk. A trauma-informed approach means going at your pace, with you in charge of what you share.
The first session is mostly a chance to get to know each other. Your counsellor will ask what brings you in and what you hope will change, and you can share as much or as little as you like. Together you start to notice how your inner critic shows up in your daily life.
Yes, you can meet online from anywhere in BC, or in person in Burnaby, Vancouver or Surrey. We offer a free 15-minute consultation by phone or video. Our intake team suggests counsellors who fit what you need, your language, your budget and where you want to meet.
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