Guilt and shame are among the most common emotions experienced by people. Although many use these terms interchangeably, they are different emotional experiences. Guilt appears when a person feels they have acted against their moral values.
Signs
Everyone feels guilt or shame sometimes. It may be time to reach out when these feelings stay long after the moment, or shape how you see yourself and how close you let people get.
How counselling helps
Early on
Together with your counsellor, you sort out what is guilt about an action and what is shame about who you are. You look at where the harsh messages first came from.
As you go
You learn to notice self-blame as it starts and answer it with kinder, fairer thoughts, using tools from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and mindfulness.
Over time
Where guilt points to a real hurt, you plan how to make amends. You also work on letting go of blame you no longer need and on choosing what matters to you.
Approaches
Where
About
Guilt and shame are among the most common emotions experienced by people. Although many use these terms interchangeably, they are different emotional experiences. Guilt appears when a person feels they have acted against their moral values. Shame, on the other hand, is the feeling of being flawed or defective as a person. Both emotions can be difficult to manage. However, therapy such as CBT Therapy, ACT Therapy, and Psychodynamic Therapy can help individuals understand, process, and overcome these feelings in a healthy way.
Guilt and shame are emotions commonly experienced by human beings. Guilt arises when a person feels they have done something wrong or violated their moral code. It can be a helpful emotion because it helps people recognize inappropriate actions and encourages them to make amends. However, when guilt becomes excessive or long-lasting, it can harm mental health and may lead to feelings of shame. CBT Therapy (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), ACT Therapy (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), and Psychodynamic Therapy can help individuals understand, process, and ultimately overcome these feelings through structured emotional support.
Shame is a more complex emotion than guilt, as it involves feelings of being fundamentally flawed or defective as a person. Guilt can arise from a variety of sources, such as childhood experiences, societal messages, and personal experiences. Shame can be incredibly painful and lead to feelings of low self-esteem, isolation, and depression. Compassion-Focused Therapy, Trauma-Informed Therapy, and EMDR Therapy are often used in counselling to help individuals heal deep emotional wounds and rebuild self-worth.
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There are different types of guilt and shame that individuals can experience, including:
Survivor's guilt: This is the feeling of guilt that arises when we survive a traumatic event while others do not. This can often be addressed through Trauma-Informed Therapy, EMDR Therapy, and CBT Therapy, which help process traumatic memories and emotional distress.
Cultural guilt: This is the feeling of guilt that arises from being part of a group or culture that has a history of wrongdoing. Psychodynamic Therapy and ACT Therapy (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) can help individuals explore identity, values, and emotional processing in a healthy way.
Internalized shame: This is the feeling of shame that arises when we internalize negative messages about ourselves from others. This is commonly treated with Compassion-Focused Therapy, CBT Therapy, and Person-Centred Therapy, which support self-worth and positive self-image.
Shame related to mental health: This is the feeling of shame that arises from having a mental health condition, such as depression or anxiety. CBT Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Therapy, and ACT Therapy can help reduce stigma, improve coping skills, and support emotional healing.
There are a variety of causes of guilt and shame, including:
Therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space where individuals can openly process their emotions related to guilt and shame. A therapist helps individuals explore their feelings and understand them in a healthier way.
It also helps identify negative thought patterns and actively challenges them with more positive and realistic thinking. This allows individuals to replace self-critical thoughts with healthier perspectives.
Through therapy, individuals learn practical coping skills such as mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and emotional regulation strategies to manage guilt and shame effectively.
Therapy also supports individuals in building self-esteem and self-worth, which helps reduce feelings of shame and promotes emotional healing.
There are several types of therapy that can help individuals experiencing guilt and shame. Here are some examples:
Regardless of the type of therapy, the goal is to help individuals process and release feelings of guilt and shame in a healthy and productive way. Therapy provides a safe and supportive environment for individuals to explore and work through these difficult emotions.
Guilt and shame can significantly impact mental health and overall well-being. While these emotions are a normal part of life, excessive or long-term guilt and shame can affect emotional and physical health. Seeking support through therapy and counselling can help individuals understand root causes and develop healthier coping strategies.
Therapies such as CBT Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Therapy, and Psychodynamic Therapy help individuals challenge negative thoughts, reframe experiences, and build self-compassion and self-worth.
If you are struggling with guilt and shame, No Fear Counselling is here to support you. Our experienced therapists offer compassionate counselling across Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam, Surrey, Richmond, and New Westminster, British Columbia. Contact us today to book an appointment and start your healing journey.
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FAQs
Can't find your answer? Ask us a question.
You might consider it when guilt or shame keeps coming back and gets in the way of sleep, work or relationships. You do not need one big reason, and many people come in because the inner criticism feels constant. If shame ever leads to thoughts of hurting yourself, please do not wait for a session: if you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8, call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), or call 911 if you are in danger.
No, they are related but different. Guilt usually says 'I did something wrong,' while shame says 'something is wrong with me.' Guilt can push you to repair a mistake, but shame often makes people hide and pull away. Counselling can help you tell them apart and respond to each one in a healthier way.
No, you decide what to share and when. Many people find it hard to say the words out loud at first, and that is okay. Your counsellor will go at your pace, and you can share as much or as little as you like. Some approaches, such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), focus on how you relate to painful feelings, so you can start without telling every detail.
Yes, you can meet online from anywhere in BC, or in person at one of our offices. Some people find it easier to talk about shame from the comfort of their own home. Our intake team suggests counsellors who fit what you need, your language, your budget and where you want to meet.
In the first session, you and your counsellor get to know each other and talk about what brought you in. You might talk about when guilt or shame shows up and how it affects your days, but only as much as feels right. Together you set goals for your work. If you want to ask questions first, we offer a free 15-minute consultation by phone or video.