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Every parent has hard days. It may be time to reach out when stress, guilt or conflict at home keeps getting in the way of the parent you want to be.
Snapping at your kids more than you want to
Feeling drained by bedtimes, meals and school runs
Guilt that you are not a good enough parent
Feeling distant or less connected to your child
Arguing with a partner or co-parent about rules
Second-guessing every parenting choice you make
Feeling lost after a new baby or a big change
Losing track of who you are outside of parenting
How counselling helps
What working on it together looks likeHow counselling helps
Early on
Understand what is happening
Together with your counsellor, you look at what makes parenting hard right now, like sleep, school or a new stage, and you notice your strengths too.
As you go
Calm the hard moments
You practise ways to pause before you snap, using tools from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which looks at how thoughts shape feelings.
Over time
Move forward with confidence
You and your counsellor set small, real goals for home, like calmer mornings or clearer rules with a co-parent, so you can parent in a way that fits your values.
Approaches
Therapies our counsellors use for parentingTherapies used
From the day you find out you are expecting, whether through pregnancy or adoption, to the day you finally get to hold the infant or child in your arms, a rollercoaster of emotions occurs. Some will be overwhelmed with joy, others may be anxious and fearful. People may often wonder if they’ll be considered good parents or what a good parent even looks like. Depending on your own upbringing and childhood, the idea of becoming a parent yourself can provoke some triggering moments and make it difficult to navigate the new role going forward.
Emotional and Practical Challenges of Parenting
There’s no doubt that a new skill set will be required for most, regardless if it’s their first or third child. The responsibility to not only take care of the basic necessities of another life on a daily basis but also to raise them in an appropriate social and behavioural manner can be overwhelming. Juggling all these tasks in any individual, and especially in those with previous mental health issues like anxiety or depression, may lead some to need help in coping with the unknowns and challenges they face.
The advancement of social media, blogs, forums, books, and podcasts has also provided a large influx of resources to parents. While this may be helpful to obtain general advice, it can also lead to conflicting and confusing directions towards parenting skills and styles. Even family members may decide to voice their opinion on what they believe your habits should look like. This can often lead to feelings of guilt, shame, stress, anxiety and depression.
At the end of the day, as a parent, you want to provide the best support for your child and sometimes it’s ok to recognize that the task is not at all easy and may require some help.
Challenges faced by parents:
Obstacles and hurdles faced between partners in sharing opposite viewpoints and parenting styles
Co-parenting or parenting after separation, loss or divorce
Trying to keep up with the daily needs of tending to another life
Financial hardship with new changes to income and expenses
Changes to one’s daily routine and schedule, such as staying at home now and feeling overwhelmed in planning for new activities
Lack of sleep or adequate diet due to personal needs not being met
Physical exhaustion and lack of energy
Pre-existing medical conditions like depression or anxiety
New onset of conditions like postpartum depression or C Section recovery
Birth or pregnancy trauma
Difficulties faced with a child who may have a physical or intellectual disability
Lack of social and emotional support by the people around them
How can counselling help?
Whether you’re having a hard time with one particular aspect of parenting, such as sleep training or a child entering into school age, or navigating through the whole role altogether, finding a counsellor who can help identify your strengths, needs, wants, and gaps can help provide support and guidance going forward. It can also help build confidence in identifying why these concerns may be occurring, as well as strategies to identify and cope with them and ways to accept the role in front of you.
One of the most common forms of emotional expression in parents is frustration and irritability in trying to connect with their child’s cues and find a way that both parties understand and respect one another. This can be hard when children are constantly learning how to navigate their own social and emotional development skills. Some parents may feel like they snap at their kids, and others feel like they are becoming distant. Recognizing that some change likely needs to be made is already the first step in building into that new or existing role.
Couples counselling – this form of therapy can help those who are finding it hard to parent together with a partner. By building and strengthening the communication and relationship between the couple, each individual may find that their own parenting skills improve as well.
Family therapy – often this form of therapy is used with older children, where each member of the family has the opportunity to bring up their concerns. Each member can then listen and understand the wants and needs of others and work together to stabilize and improving the overall family dynamic.
Parenting classes and support groups – these are group-centred therapies where people can share their own experiences and learn from others who share similar issues. Often, communication skills can be built upon and parents can learn new forms of behavioural or emotional management.
If you’ve recently found out you will become a parent or are currently a parent and looking to find support in navigating through the obstacles before you, consider booking a consult to learn more about how counselling can help you and your family.
If you're preparing to become a parent or currently facing parenting challenges, professional support can make a meaningful difference. No Fear Counselling offers compassionate counselling services across Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam, Surrey, and Chilliwack, and online throughout Canada. Contact us today to book a consultation and learn how counselling can support you and your family.
References
GoodTherapy. Get help with parenting issues. August 2019.Parenting Help
Helps with: Parenting, Anxiety, Burnout, Depression, Emotional Regulation, Grief, Loss and Bereavement, Life Transitions, Perfectionism, Self Esteem, Stress ManagementParentingAnxietyBurnoutDepressionEmotional RegulationGrief, Loss and BereavementLife TransitionsPerfectionismSelf EsteemStress Management+8 more
You do not need to wait until things feel out of control. Many parents reach out when they feel short-tempered, guilty or far from their child more often than they would like. Counselling can also help with one stage, such as sleep troubles, a new baby or a child starting school. You can share as much or as little as you like.
Counselling can help you notice what sets off the yelling and find calmer ways to respond. Frustration is a common feeling for parents, especially while children are still learning to manage their own emotions. Your counsellor may use CBT to spot the thoughts behind a blow-up, or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), which helps you make room for hard feelings and act on what matters to you.
You can, if that feels right for you. Some parents come alone and some come with a partner or co-parent. Working together can help you agree on rules, share the load and talk through conflict away from the children. Let our intake team know what you would like, and they will suggest counsellors who fit what you need.
Yes, you can meet with a counsellor online from anywhere in BC, or in person in Burnaby, Surrey or Vancouver. Online sessions can make it easier to fit counselling around naps, school pickups and work. We also offer a free 15-minute consultation by phone or video, so you can ask questions before you decide.
No, you do not need a diagnosis or a crisis to start. Some parents come because of everyday stress, while others want support after a new baby, a separation or another family change. You choose what to talk about and how fast to go, and your counsellor follows your lead.
