Gottman Couples Therapy was developed by John and Julie Gottman based on John’s extensive research on couples.
What it helps with
How it works
Early on
You and your partner share how you connect and how arguments usually go. Your counsellor helps you notice habits like criticism, defensiveness or shutting down.
As you go
In sessions you practise raising a complaint gently, taking a break when things heat up and repairing after a hurtful moment. You also learn more about each other's world.
Over time
Between sessions you try small habits, like responding when your partner reaches out. You and your counsellor decide together how long to keep going.
Not sure? A free consultation can help you choose.
Where
About
Gottman Couples Therapy was developed by John and Julie Gottman based on John’s extensive research on couples. John coded everyday interactions between real partners to determine the strongest predictors of whether or not a relationship would be successful and in collaboration with his wife created a therapeutic approach based on these data. Gottman emphasizes developing friendship as a basis for a healthy relationship and has strategies for how to strengthen a couple’s bond so they are able to manage conflict more effectively.
John Gottman’s research found that happy couples accepted influence from one another, were attentive to one another’s needs, and went about their interactions with a more positive perspective. The theory suggests that many of these qualities arise when a strong foundation of friendship has been developed in the relationship. Conversely, couples bound for break-up displayed behaviours such as contempt, criticism, stonewalling, and defensiveness (known as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”). In order to aid troubled couples in regaining their closeness, Gottman guides couples in finding new, more positive ways of interacting as well as facilitates a series of experiences aimed at developing a strong foundation of friendship and mutual understanding.
A key part of Gottman Couples Therapy is the development of friendship. Activities such as creating “love maps” and practicing turning towards one another when bids for connection are made are used to establish a stronger foundation for the relationship. Couples then learn how to manage conflict while maintaining a positive perspective. The expectation is not to avoid conflict altogether, but rather to learn how to go about conflict in a way that maintains the relationship and to repair the connection when it has been damaged. The couple’s bond is further deepened through an exploration of life dreams and the creation of shared meaning.
Gottman Couples Therapy can help couples:
Gottman Couples Therapy may help couples experiencing:
No Fear Counselling utilizes Gottman Couples Therapy by expert therapists at our agency who assist couples in building better relationships by enhancing communication, establishing trust, and improving overall relationship satisfaction.
Our agency offers both in-person and online counseling in Canada for clients all around British Columbia. Our counselors will be able to help you regardless of your current relationship status.
Successful relationships involve understanding, trust, and good communication. If you and your partner wish to strengthen your relationship and become closer, Gottman Couples Therapy can support you.
Gottman Couples Therapy is provided at No Fear Counselling in Vancouver, Surrey, Burnaby, Richmond, Coquitlam, Langley, Victoria, Kelowna, Penticton, and also online counseling throughout Canada.
Contact us for your free initial consultation now!
Gottman, J. M. (2011). The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
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FAQs
Can't find your answer? Ask us a question.
You and your partner meet together with your counsellor to talk about what is going on and what you each want. Early on, your counsellor may ask about your history as a couple and how arguments usually go, and may meet with each of you alone. Later sessions often include practising conversations in the room, such as raising a concern gently or repairing after a hurtful moment.
No, the aim is not to stop all conflict. Many couples have some problems that keep coming back, and this approach can help you talk about them with less criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling, which means shutting down or going silent. You also learn ways to repair, like taking a short break and coming back to the talk more calmly.
It can help many couples who choose to rebuild trust after infidelity. Your counsellor helps you talk about what happened at a pace that feels manageable, so both partners can be heard. Over time, you may work on honesty, closeness and what you want your relationship to look like. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8, call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433), or call 911 if you are in danger.
Both are for couples, but they put the focus in different places. Gottman couples therapy often uses practical exercises, like learning about each other's daily world and practising calmer ways to handle conflict. Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) looks more at the deeper feelings and needs for closeness under your arguments. Your counsellor can help you think about which fits you as a couple.
Yes, you can meet in person or online by video from anywhere in BC. Online, many couples sit together in front of one screen so the counsellor can see you both. We offer a free 15-minute consultation by phone or video, and our intake team suggests counsellors who fit what you need, your language, your budget and where you want to meet.
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